I dunno if this makes me happy

Cos' the more I think of it, the less I would relent.
It's not because I do not care, neither I do not hurt.

While he thinks it is great and nice of him to 'forego' so many games and matches arranged previously by his friends and mates, just to stay with me.
I am not wrong. I don't even need to say thank you for that. Cos' I think it is only but the least I would deserved?

I never complain about the days when he couldnt afford anything nice.
I never ask for any big gifts to make up for it.

And while he thinks it is sacrificial of him to then 'give up' his Sundays with his family, just to stay with me, cos' our Saturdays are no more.
I am not wrong. I don't even need to say thank you for that. Cos' I didn't ask him to do that and did I even agree to it?

I never want anything that is beyond his limits.
What he couldnt provide or give yet, I understand.
Did I behave like some girlfriends outside that want big rocks on their delicate fingers or so?
Did I demand for some big restaurants and insist not footing the bills each time we dine?

For all I remember always was some showers of small sweet things/acts in life that make me smile like some stupid dophey on drugs.

And while he thinks he understands how hurting it is for me (and perhaps him) and why didnt I try with him to work something outta it since things change now.
I am now demanding , WHY THE HELL SHOULD I DO THAT!

Psst...You are driving me insane now and I am behaving like some psychos who look rational outside.

For all I thought is that our lives have been perfectly arranged.
I understand that football had been there before me.
I understand that your family time is so important to you. (And you think I would enjoy them too.)
So I understand that from Monday to Friday, you have football trainings.
So I understand that Sunday is was your game day and then your family time.
And I never upset any of that since we were together from school days till now, did I?
Ok, maybe once in a while I do rake them out but that do happened if 'they' violated my slot.

So from Monday to Friday, I goes to work. More in a while, we meet during one of those weekdays for a short dinner. Both of us have work the next morning, so we couldnt afford anything more than that.
I dont usually like Sundays cos' it is a rest day for me to get so overly charged before Monday blues set in ritually.

Why must you change things now?
So things were beyond your control and now it ended up that I AM THE ONE WHO HAVE TO CHANGE TO FIT INTO YOUR TIMING!
How nice,Mister G.K.

So it's about compromising but I just have a small question.
WHAT have YOU compromise?
Spending $ to take cabs home when I want us to stay as late as I WANT TO? Sacrificing what have been your family time to be with me to make it up to me?

Pardonne moi?

Ok, so what if your allowances increase?
Does that benefit me at all? Who do you think I am? Your banker? So you can have perhaps a hundred more bucks to lavish me with more softtoys/good meals and what? Braun Buffel wallets?
Or izzit more money for you to pour at Ebay? More gloves/boots etc collections?More junkfoods?
And of cos' I would, from the bottom of my heart, appreciate if you have more to save for your own rainy days and future and then spend to get some decent stuff for your own house.

Let's clink our wine glasses and cheers to the better future!
I would,as you said, a more fitter and confident boyfriend, better finances which also mean I would perhaps have more B.Buffel stuff, if I am willing to cater to the changes in your life.

Oh...I'm sorry, I must have used too much strength.
The glasses just chipped.

On second thought, I thought I will still like my Sundays to laze like a overcooked spaghetti.
And I wont appreciate to put in so much effort to look good just for a few pathetic hours on Saturdays.
Also I think I would be very worn up by work from Monday to Friday that I would appreciate meeting my friends once in a blue moon better anyway.

No no..Don't use reverse psychology and asked if you quit football, would I then be happy?

Remember the times I have to literally plead not to go for training/quit this whole thing/ dont meet anyone or attend to anything else on Saturdays/ stay out a lil' longer on Saturdays/ look and ask what time is it every now and then on Saturday(cos' I am so afraid time passes so fast) and so on?


I know you have long decided whose the winner.

Why do you even bother asking?

And you know I won't be happy either how.
Not because I am hard to please.

Remember the times I like telling you that you are the sweetest thing on earth just because you made me so happy (just) one day outta seven?

I just clean forgotten the number of times you made me swallow my tears like this.


Maybe I still think I made this too hoo haa.
There are bound to be couples around us that meet lesser than that but still works things out,and they are happy.

I'm sorry that I still cant much accept this.
And I think I have the right to.

Dont tell me to change my mind or think like those people. I am not them. I may be more selfish than most of them outside.

And I hate this feeling of gonna break to fever but not.
I really hope that I break to an ultra high temperature tonight so I can laid on bed and dont move for the whole of tomorrow and a reason to be under performing on Monday.

Don't worry for me.
You know I will be fine,like you expect me to.

For all I know is that I am not understanding at all.
Hmph.